How to Be Successful With Women

As the first of nine children, it’s fair to say that having a sister within a year of me has provided 37 years of ongoing insight and experience into interacting with women. More »

Great Relationships

From 1986 – 2008 I was a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in private practice. This is the first in a series of columns about what I learned during that adventure. No More »

All The Secrets About Relationships

A happy relationship is one of the best things life can offer; it is difficult to maintain lasting happiness. Unsolved problems can ruin your life; good feelings will be only a memory. More »

My Family Rules About Relationships

Family and Cultural Scripts When you were born into your family you were presented with your ‘script’ or pre’script’ion for life. Just like an actor on stage works from a script, so do you. More »

Life Phrases About Relationships

I pump energy into my relationships. The great killer of affiliations and kinships is to take them for granted. I liken this to the energy that holds the universe together. That energy More »

Great Relationships

From 1986 – 2008 I was a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in private practice. This is the first in a series of columns about what I learned during that adventure.

    • No one ever gets married with the intention of having a marriage that does not work. Yet so many people find themselves in that very position.
    • Based on 22 years of being closely involved with hundreds of marriages on a daily basis, I can tell you that there are 4 types of marriage:
      • The Cell Mate Marriage – The worst possible situation to be in. Been there, done that one myself.
      • The Room Mate Marriage – Unfortunately the most common marriage. Folks settle for “the way it is” for the rest of their lives.
      • The Life Mate Marriage – Second most common, these folks still really like each other, the spark is just not there all the time.
      • The Soul Mate Marriage – Rarest of the four types. And so worth waiting for, as that is what I’m blessed with now.
    • Want to know the number one way to screw up your marriage and complicate your life more

Life Phrases About Relationships

I pump energy into my relationships.

The great killer of affiliations and kinships is to take them for granted.

I liken this to the energy that holds the universe together. That energy is often called gravity. While gravity certainly exists, it is not well understood. But somehow, the entire Universe is under the influence of that energy. Without it, the Universe as we now it would collapse or fly apart. This gravity is kind of give and take affair. Each object or wave within the Universe attracts other objects or waves. The earth is pulled toward the Sun as it revolves in orbit. The earth tries to pull away from the Sun as it flies through space. The two draws sort of cancel each other out and the Earth remains in orbit. If either the Sun or the Earth were to suddenly (or gradually) withdraw its gravitational influence, the two bodies would drift apart. To the great detriment of those living on earth.

Very much the same sort of thing happens between friends or in human relationships of other

Relationship Advice

The way we act in a relationship is based on a number of factors. Unfortunately, some of these factors will be good and others not so good. But regardless of how they would be classified, overall, they determine the way we are, the way we behave in a relationship. If your relationship isn’t all you would like for it to be, perhaps you need to take a look at where you are getting the input from that you are using as your guideline.

Our parents. We learn a lot from our parents… although not all we learn is ideal. Not only is this the first relationship we are subjected to, but it occurs during our formative years when we are highly impressionable. If our parents fight, don’t communicate well, or learn to deal with stress in a positive, constructive manner, then chances are, we won’t either.

Our past relationships. This can be a brutal example of reality. We can be raised in a close-knit, happy family and grow up with these exact same expectations. Then, your first partner treats you like “dirt,” verbally abuses you, and eventually leaves you for

How to Be Successful With Women

As the first of nine children, it’s fair to say that having a sister within a year of me has provided 37 years of ongoing insight and experience into interacting with women. In addition, my 20 plus years as an adult in the workforce have consistently revealed a self-perpetuating patriarchal mindset that asserts men are superior to women, denying them respect and justifying unfairness towards them. That’s something my sister has never submitted to, her inherent self-esteem and confidence dismissed that kind of indoctrination. Thankfully, confident women like her have challenged this bias with their efforts and presence, reminding all of us of the need for justice and personal development to successfully achieve our collective potential. Sadly, not all men have been able to cultivate such support for equality, instead actively participating in the sabotage of their own grandmothers, mothers, sisters, aunts, nieces and daughters. In this article I will share three areas of insight and action that can allow for a greater collaboration between men and women in the workplace, supporting a much needed culture of inclusion, equality and diversity.

Offering consistent respect is the first area of importance, one that should be considered a basic

All The Secrets About Relationships

A happy relationship is one of the best things life can offer; it is difficult to maintain lasting happiness. Unsolved problems can ruin your life; good feelings will be only a memory. Relationship counseling can help to have lasting harmony, truly resolving your problems. Relationship counseling can also teach you how to keep love and appropriate feelings alive, for the rest of your life.

You must do something for you, for your family, to bring happiness back into your house. Relationship counseling teaches you to work through relationship problems, to keep your love, harmony, happiness and trust alive. You can build and maintain a truly rewarding relationship with powerful tools. There are some key tools to help you maintain your relationship healthy, and strong.

Powerful tools to maintain a healthy and happy relationship
Relationship counseling can help you to learn the key tools to make your life better; difficult times can lead your relationship to disaster. You must learn how to prevent or resolve your present and future problems. You must know how to build respect, trust, harmony, and understanding.

With committed relationship counseling, you will change things, no matter how troubled your relationship is.

My Family Rules About Relationships

Family and Cultural Scripts When you were born into your family you were presented with your ‘script’ or pre’script’ion for life. Just like an actor on stage works from a script, so do you. Most of us don’t even realize that subconsciously we accept and live out our ‘script’ without any conscious knowledge of what we are doing.

Have you ever found yourself doing or saying something and thought to yourself – ‘wow, that is or sounds just like mum (or dad, or someone else in the family) used to do/say’?

I was presented with this so clearly when about fourteen years ago I went back to the country of my ancestry to meet family that I had not known before. My immediate family migrated to this country, Australia, before I was born so I had never known who my relatives were. I never met my grandparents and on only one occasion did an aunt come to visit us as I was growing up. Anyway here I am meeting these unknown relatives for the first time and I was struck by something that seemed to bind us in a way that was even crazier than just the same

Success is All About Relationships

A part of achieving success is to consider the value and importance of sound relationships. In every area of your life you will encounter relationships.

Why relationships?

Because we are human beings, and as human beings we are designed to interact with other human beings. This involves relationships. Without the appropriate skills and knowledge to manage your relationships the success you are hoping to achieve will escape you.

In the first instance the relationship you must consider is the one you have with yourself. If you don’t appreciate yourself, chances are that you will project that dislike to others. The more you appreciate yourself, the better your relationships will be with others. How you feel inwardly will be reflected on the outside through non verbal communication like body language. The higher your integrity is, the more you will feel better about yourself.

The family relationship is the next one to consider as they are extremely important as you tread your path to success. Failure here will not see you succeed elsewhere. You require a supportive partner as a sounding board and someone who encourages you in your endeavors.

Your business relationships follow closely

My Family Rules About Relationships

This is part three of the article on how families impact our lives. I’ve already talked about how they may even be multi generational. Now I would like to address how we might be able to change these script directives. As your ‘script’, and your rules for relationships, was first presented to you by your family, you are most likely to grow up and live out that ‘script’ unless, as I believe was my experience, that somewhere along the way you make a different decision and consequently live your life based on a different set of values and beliefs.

This questioning generally only happens in the event of some crisis in your life, when you may come to realize that your script is a good ‘script’, and continue to live it out in a positive way. Alternatively you might question your ‘script’, at such a time, and recognize that you need to do something differently and go about changing those rules that define your ‘script’ and live it out differently to the way your parents presented it to you.

Some of us however, do not come to question it and we just live it out with

Family Time Suffers When Kids Get Only 38 Minutes of Parents’ Time

TV time adds up

The time spent watching TV impacts many aspects of life, most notably the family. According to the latest figures from Nielsen Media Research, Inc., the average American now spends 4 hours and 32 minutes per day watching TV. Per week that adds up to 31½ hours.

Why is the family in crisis?

In contrast with 31½ hours in front of a TV, the average American parent spends only 38 minutes per week in meaningful conversation with their children. Yet, pundits on both the left and right wonder why the American family is in crisis. As a parent, how can you have a meaningful relationship with your children, if you are so busy watching TV that you do not have time to talk with them, to listen to their problems, to celebrate their achievements, or to simply BE together as a family? It is simply not possible. You cannot build a family foundation on reruns of Leave it to Beaver.

Kids want more family time

Your children may not say it, but kids often want more time with their family. According to the Horatio Alger Association’s report, The State of

About Relationship and Structure in Marriage

Christian Marriage is the model from which western marriage is explained. The unique “one-flesh” relationship and family structure described by Jesus Christ and the early church writers create the godly marriage, where both husband and wife are able to resist the seduction of worldly ideas and destructive temptations.

As western culture forgets its roots, the wonder of marriage is lost. Cheap and shallow connections, involving exploitation, insecurity, betrayal and pain then become the norm. In order to reverse that, and rediscover godly marriage that works, we need to have marriage explained clearly, in terms of the Christian marriage, so the most effective relationships can be established. This will not just benefit the couple, but also their children and the society in which they live.

The following explanations about marriage and relationship come out of the various books I have written on subject, including Family Horizons, Marriage Horizons and Mending Marriages.


In the secular community marriage is based on many different ideas, such as: Assigned Duties; Mutual Obligation; the 50:50 Partnership; It’s a Man’s World; the Idolised Woman; Something is Better than Nothing; Let’s See if it Works; the Obligatory Duty and

About Relationships

Men and women differ a great deal in the number of emotions they carry and even in the way they deal with the emotions they have. Most men usually tend to be less emotional and less expressive than most women.

Whenever a relationship is happy and fruitful, it lasts longer. For some even this might be a reason for concern. It is especially problematic with regard to women who tend to get ‘clingy’ in successful relationships.  Some of them are unable to take stock in their feelings and as a result, it may overwhelm their men with all kinds of overtures. However, some women resort to this behavior due to past bad experiences, which make them very insecure.

A bad relationship of the past makes the affected woman feel that she may have to bear the pain once again. This makes her defensive and she may take steps that can be termed by some people as ‘shrewd’.

Emotions, if tapped in the right direction, can be used to improve relationships and for making them longer and more fulfilling. However, there are some guidelines you must follow in order to do a productive tapping of the


When do you start to change the family dynamics?

Is it you or the children to change?

Within each family there are different situation that is played out each day
and it is sometimes difficult for the families to understand or heal their differences.
Some of these family dynamic are the parents are not satisfy with their children’s behaviour and are constantly blaming their children for not acting, listening or not doing what are ask of them.

Many parents give to their children material things because the parents do not want their children to feel deprive, not good enough or miss out on what they did not get when they were small.
Some parents over give to their children and are later upset that their children is not doing things around the home such as cleaning their room or helping around the home when some thing need attending to because the parents feel that the children should know better.

Many parents feel that their children should be grateful and show it by cleaning up their room or helping around the home and sometimes resent their children.
If the parents did not give to their

Nurturing the Gift of Relationships

Barbara Streisand sang, “People, people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world.” If it is true that people need people, then one should wonder:

— Why stress over maintaining relationships?

— Why the excuse that you are too busy to call or visit loved ones?

— Why the feeling of being overburdened with relationships?

— Why is your social calendar filled with one activity right after the other? Are you trying to please everyone?

— Are you constantly on the go and then complain about being too tired to finish projects or handle the paperwork?

— Could it be that you are overdosing on activities, people and things?

As valuable and important as these relational activities are, too much is stressful. An overflowing schedule of activities may appear on the surface to be abundant living, but most often, it is a means of running away from home-front problems. Be honest. Is one of these problems disorganization?

The secret of living abundantly is accepting and balancing the gift of relationships. Take some time to review the balance in your life. Do you maintain a healthy perspective on work,

It’s About Relationship

By the time I was born (1951), 90% of my environment was composed of things gleaned from information, not nature. (Maybe 99%, I grew up in Brooklyn!) As such, the vast majority of my decisions have been based on what my head thinks, rather than what my heart knows.

My ancestors, for example, were indigenous to a place unknown, became named in Spain, moved to Italy at the time of the Inquisition and then on to North America in the 20th Century. I can muse, in broad strokes, on the process of how the shift from heart-based consciousness to head-based consciousness may have occurred in my kin.

Once the connection was broken with their immediate environment, they had to “learn the ropes” of new environments through history related by others as much as immediate experience. Information started to become a keynote of survival as well as response to the immediate environment. As time went on, each succeeding generation of my ancestors had to digest and assimilate more and more “head-based” information the further they strayed from “home” in time and place, and the more clearly they developed what we call civilization.

When the Machine age

It Is All About Relationships

As a local business, you face constant pressures from big “box” stores and other national companies that compete for your customers on price and selection. They sell things cheaper than you can buy them for, they run multi-million dollar marketing campaigns and they have more items in their stores than you could ever hope for. So how do you respond?

Most local business owners I know respond with “We provide better service.” Yes, but what does that mean? Everybody says that. I think for most it means that they know more about their clients and how to fulfill their needs than the impersonal national companies. Therefore, they are not really talking about “service” but “relationship.” So how do you build this relationship?

For years building this relationship meant taking time to get to know your clients. From learning their names, to who their family members were and knowing where they lived and worked. This took time and developed over many times of doing business together. But, what happens if someone only does business with you once? How do you build up that relationship so that they will come back? It is very difficult unless you see

Christian Fellowship is All About Relationships

Christian fellowship within the context of the church means identification with the Body of Christ. Identification with the Body of Christ is all about relationships with other believers. To be a Christian does not only mean to be a believer in Christ. To be a believer in Christ also means to belong to the Body of Christ. As a believer you are a living cell in a living body. Christian Fellowship is identification with the Body of Christ, meaning with other believers.

The center of the church is fellowship with God and with his people.

1 John 1:3 states: “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the father and with his son Jesus Christ.”

John makes it very clear, that the fellowship he seeks with other believers centres around the Father and the Son. This is the only basis of true and meaningful relationships among Christians.

There is no Christian Fellowship without human relationships.

Fellowship has to do with relationships – Relationships with God and relationships with other Christians.

Ephesians 2:19-22: “Consequently, you are no

Talk About Your Family’s Health

If you haven’t talked with your family about their health history, then you should definitely make it a priority to do so. We rely so much on our annual physicals to tell us whether we are OK or not (and some of us don’t even do that) and we ignore one of the most important areas for the prevention of disease- our genetic makeup. Whether or not you want to face it, it is a fact that many diseases and conditions run in the family, and since early prevention is key for many health issues, you should have as much knowledge about your family’s health as possible. Learn what your risk factors are now so you can be prepared.

Depending on the relationships and communication you have with your family, it might be difficult or easy to talk with them about health. Either way, you want to open up the conversation because it will benefit everyone. At a minimum, you should talk to your parents, aunts, uncles, and your grandparents. First tell them why you want to talk with them, which should make it easier in case they are leary about talking over personal health issues. Then

About Relationships You Already Know, But Do Anyway

Picture this for a moment… When you dated him, he was funny, entertaining, thoughtful, a great lover, and many other things. When you were dating her, she was kind, considerate, and laughed at your jokes even though you knew they weren’t that funny. One day, you knew deep within your heart that he/she was the one. You married that wonderful person and for a while things were just as you had imagined they would be. But now for some reason things have changed – they have changed – and you’re not happy. Is this scenario resonating with anyone? So, here are those 5-Things About Relationships You Already Know… But Do Anyway!

[1] DON’T talk about him to your girlfriends, family, or complete strangers. You were able to get him to take you out for dinner – it took you weeks – but he finally made the reservation. And to a very nice restaurant I might add. The waiter comes over to your table and asks you what you’d like to drink and you say (dripping with sarcasm) “Well, what would you suggest, it’s been 3-years since my husband took me out to dinner, actually it’s been 3-years since my

to Ask Your Child About Your Family

Sometimes in the daily business of parenting and family life, our conversations become focused on all those tasks to be done, the rules, the humdrum of life, the ordinary and the mundane; those emotionless directives or comments that do nothing to create intimacy or a real connection between family members. And it’s easy to presume that just because you all live together in the same household, that this necessarily translates into intimacy and an awareness of each other’s dreams, experiences and inner beliefs. And living together also doesn’t mean that just because your experience of the family is a certain way, that other family members will necessarily share your views and perceptions.

So take the time to create that connection, to make a conscious effort to deepen and enrich your relationship with your children using real conversations that place them at the centre of your interest – whether they’re aged six, sixteen or twenty-six; don’t leave it up to chance, because the chances are that it might not happen – or not as frequently as both of you would like, or benefit from.

And above all, don’t forget that asking the questions is only a small


It can be incredibly hard when visiting your family, as you might not have a great relationship with them. Your significant other might not get along with them either, and this is a problem that is known worldwide. How do you handle the thanksgiving dinners? Do you even have to deal with it? It really depends on how family oriented you happen to be, and whether you value your happiness or the happiness of others.

Most parents even though they said that everything that they do is for you simple lie. If you observe closely most of the things that they do, their actions, are geared toward making their own lives more enjoyable. This might be normal in a way but it is something that all children should understand, as it will make those trips more enjoyable. If your parents really do sacrifice themselves, and your visits are already excellent then that is awesome, but this is an exception to the rule and not the norm.

There are also siblings that you might have a problem sitting next too. Families are there, but it does not mean that the individuals within them have to be friends.