Category Archives: Relationship

About Relationships

Men and women differ a great deal in the number of emotions they carry and even in the way they deal with the emotions they have. Most men usually tend to be less emotional and less expressive than most women.

Whenever a relationship is happy and fruitful, it lasts longer. For some even this might be a reason for concern. It is especially problematic with regard to women who tend to get ‘clingy’ in successful relationships.  Some of them are unable to take stock in their feelings and as a result, it may overwhelm their men with all kinds of overtures. However, some women resort to this behavior due to past bad experiences, which make them very insecure.

A bad relationship of the past makes the affected woman feel that she may have to bear the pain once again. This makes her defensive and she may take steps that can be termed by some people as ‘shrewd’.

Emotions, if tapped in the right direction, can be used to improve relationships and for making them longer and more fulfilling. However, there are some guidelines you must follow in order to do a productive tapping of the emotions.

Rules for Successful Tapping of Emotions

Don’t make an effort to know everything about men – This turns out to be the most wasteful exercise you can undertake. Men are strange and there is no way to gauge their ‘strangeness’. Also, never make an effort to know the reason why your man did something.  Men do a lot of things just for the heck of it. The best option is to just let them be.

Cultivate positive thoughts – Most times, your man may not express it but he still loves you. You have to be positive about yourself and also about your man’s feeling towards you.

Emotions under control – Whenever a woman gets overly emotional she tends to lose control over her actions and speech. Positive emotions can be good for any relationship but negative ones can spell a disaster. It is, therefore, a good idea to not get carried away by any kind of emotions. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, stop yourself in the middle and take a rain check on whether your feelings are justified.

Keep your mind off him – Whenever there is something that troubles you about him (a particular habit or action), try to steer your mind away from it. Think of your friends, family, the day’s other events and anything that helps you take focus away from him.

Do not throw emotions at him continuously – Face it, too much emotion can drive anyone insane. Imagine your best friend talking and getting emotional with you all the time. Would you like it? Probably no. No one does. Spare your man this trouble.

Let go of your fears – Fear is the biggest handicap in the world and quite literally for relationships too. The more you are scared, the more you tend to paralyze yourself and your man.

Feel good about yourself – A confident and self-assured woman is someone not many men can resist. Carry a positive self-image and see it work wonders for you.

Get up close with yourself – A woman who knows what she wants will gain confidence of her man in every sense. Keep the good emotions rolling and find good men who want to be up close and personal with you… all the time.

Relationships

When do you start to change the family dynamics?

Is it you or the children to change?

Within each family there are different situation that is played out each day
and it is sometimes difficult for the families to understand or heal their differences.
Some of these family dynamic are the parents are not satisfy with their children’s behaviour and are constantly blaming their children for not acting, listening or not doing what are ask of them.

Many parents give to their children material things because the parents do not want their children to feel deprive, not good enough or miss out on what they did not get when they were small.
Some parents over give to their children and are later upset that their children is not doing things around the home such as cleaning their room or helping around the home when some thing need attending to because the parents feel that the children should know better.

Many parents feel that their children should be grateful and show it by cleaning up their room or helping around the home and sometimes resent their children.
If the parents did not give to their children to do chores around the home, or to participate in family clean up, it is difficult that the children will start doing this on their own.

Blaming the children for not cleaning up is not the answer.
Having the children earn the things they want by having them do chores around the home.
By setting up a list of things to do around the home that can be rotated every couple of weeks can be another easy way to remove boredom.

Teaching the children that with each action they take or not take has an impact on themselves and others.
How about changing the roles for a day where the children gets to be the parent and the parents gets to be the children and see what lessons can be learn from this.

Nurturing the Gift of Relationships

Barbara Streisand sang, “People, people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world.” If it is true that people need people, then one should wonder:

— Why stress over maintaining relationships?

— Why the excuse that you are too busy to call or visit loved ones?

— Why the feeling of being overburdened with relationships?

— Why is your social calendar filled with one activity right after the other? Are you trying to please everyone?

— Are you constantly on the go and then complain about being too tired to finish projects or handle the paperwork?

— Could it be that you are overdosing on activities, people and things?

As valuable and important as these relational activities are, too much is stressful. An overflowing schedule of activities may appear on the surface to be abundant living, but most often, it is a means of running away from home-front problems. Be honest. Is one of these problems disorganization?

The secret of living abundantly is accepting and balancing the gift of relationships. Take some time to review the balance in your life. Do you maintain a healthy perspective on work, personal projects, and valued relationships while still making time for solitude?

Supportive Relationships

Balance means time for personal activities as well as time for family and friends. Implement some quiet time for monthly, weekly and daily planning. Do not shortchange yourself. Managing your time wisely will give you the opportunity to explore the gifts others bring into your life.

In a previous article titled, “A Journey of Success and Abundant Living,” I talked showed how ‘like attracts like’ and that you get what you focus on. Go back and review that article for a full understanding of living a rich life without overindulgence, overabundance or overdosing. Abundant living involves all aspects of life, including fostering and maintaining positive relationships. If you want to attract friends, then be a friend.

Nurturing Relationships

— Implement the art of remembering by keeping a birthday/anniversary list in your organizer or tickler file. View the tickler file Organizing Resources produces. You can find it on the Products Page of the website.

— Facilitate the art of conversation through face-to-face talks with family and friends.

— Never be too busy to call loved ones.

— Be a good listener. Pay attention to details.

— Be available whenever a friend is in need.

— Remember to say, “I’m sorry.”

— Have a gift drawer so you will always have a small token to express love and appreciation.

— Send flowers when important things happen to those you care about.

— Send special occasion cards and thank you notes.

— Value relationships for who they are, not what they do.

— Have friends from all walks of life.

— Express your feelings by using first person I statements rather than third-person you statements.

— Have a positive attitude. It is contagious.

Summary

The word nurture means to nourish. The act of nurturing promotes well-being for you and those around you. When you nourish people by what you say and do, you add value to their lives and your own. Be attentive and you will always find opportunities to nurture others every day.

It’s About Relationship

By the time I was born (1951), 90% of my environment was composed of things gleaned from information, not nature. (Maybe 99%, I grew up in Brooklyn!) As such, the vast majority of my decisions have been based on what my head thinks, rather than what my heart knows.

My ancestors, for example, were indigenous to a place unknown, became named in Spain, moved to Italy at the time of the Inquisition and then on to North America in the 20th Century. I can muse, in broad strokes, on the process of how the shift from heart-based consciousness to head-based consciousness may have occurred in my kin.

Once the connection was broken with their immediate environment, they had to “learn the ropes” of new environments through history related by others as much as immediate experience. Information started to become a keynote of survival as well as response to the immediate environment. As time went on, each succeeding generation of my ancestors had to digest and assimilate more and more “head-based” information the further they strayed from “home” in time and place, and the more clearly they developed what we call civilization.

When the Machine age hit, the amount of information to digest increased exponentially, and now, in the Information Age, exponentially once again. The consciousness of the heart has progressively taken a back seat to reliance on the brain. It might be useful to note that this all seems like a natural progression, as opposed to something that was imposed or forced or even chosen in opposition to heart-consciousness. We are learning who we are.

And who we are, at our core, are creatures who spent most of our development time having no other way to look at things except within the context of relationship to our environment. We simply had not altered our environment or affected it enough to be able to see the difference between us and anything else. We moved with the seasons, traveled with the game, and depended on and followed the rhythms of the earth we inhabited. The key word here is inhabited, for what we do now, and have done for only a few hundreds of years, is dominate.

It took me a good 30 years after my childhood to re-connect with my heart. I was blessed with being able to live with a Lakota medicine family on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota. They are full-bloods and descendants of Woptura, Crazy Horse’s medicine man. I would spend perhaps four hours on some days just sitting with Charles, the eldest brother, in silence at the edge of the prairie. Filled with questions, I’d ask one and then be told, “Shhh!”

At first, it was like agony. Much to my initial dismay, when it came to actually being “taught” by any of the Traditionals I was with, I was sorely disappointed. For months I just mimicked, and then, something started to seep in.

I learned of the mechanics of tending fire for Inipi, the sacred sweat lodge. After a while, I could sit up at night and run through the sequence of “stacking” the fire in my mind – not a simple exercise because for ceremonial fires, there is a very precise way to do things.

I took a certain amount of solace in finding that I was getting better and better in knowing what to do. Yet, as each day went by and I became more automatic in doing each step, I found that there was something else going on. Something not about what was done but about how it was done.

My logical mind noted what Richard, my mentor, did; how he physically balanced the pile of stones. At first, I’d study which he chose, trying to figure out his logic. I would meticulously order and stack my own pile, and invariably, half way up, they’d collapse in a heap and I’d have to begin again and again and again. My head seemed to have nothing to grasp on to; I checked the shapes and “saw” where each would fit. But they wouldn’t cooperate. Wouldn’t cooperate? That flied in the face of anything I knew!

Then, one day while I was working with the stones, I picked one up from the pile and something strange happened. To my immense surprise, in the center of my chest I felt resistance. I put the stone down, like “Whoa! Sorry,” and then picked up another. This registered “I want to go!” I was stunned, but had learned not to argue, so it went.

I kept moving in that way in my choices, realizing (in the center of my chest) it wasn’t about *my* choice anymore, but that it was about relationship. Then, when it came to “stacking” the stones, one after another they took their place on the tipi shaped cone. They took their place.

For the first time in my experience as a firetender, all of them interlocked and held their balance on the pile without my having to juggle or change a thing. And in those moments, my brain found the words to describe what my heart already knew, “Stone People.”

It Is All About Relationships

As a local business, you face constant pressures from big “box” stores and other national companies that compete for your customers on price and selection. They sell things cheaper than you can buy them for, they run multi-million dollar marketing campaigns and they have more items in their stores than you could ever hope for. So how do you respond?

Most local business owners I know respond with “We provide better service.” Yes, but what does that mean? Everybody says that. I think for most it means that they know more about their clients and how to fulfill their needs than the impersonal national companies. Therefore, they are not really talking about “service” but “relationship.” So how do you build this relationship?

For years building this relationship meant taking time to get to know your clients. From learning their names, to who their family members were and knowing where they lived and worked. This took time and developed over many times of doing business together. But, what happens if someone only does business with you once? How do you build up that relationship so that they will come back? It is very difficult unless you see them regularly somewhere else like church or the county club. This is where Social media comes in and helps to solve this dilemma.

Social media not only allows you to build a relationship with those who only visit your business once, but also with those who have never been to your business. Social Media is all about relationship. It is a tool by which people can share what is happening in their life with their friends and family all at once, instead of one at a time. They can interact with each other about what is being shared, and all of this can be done from anywhere in the world. People love it and more and more are joining social media applications every day. This is communication from many people to many people for the first time in history and it is growing exponentially.

Here are 5 key ways that Social Media can help your local business build relationships with your clients and help you make money.

You can share personally with them so that they feel like they know you… the business owner. People do businesses with those they know and trust. To compete with impersonal box stores you must create “personality” in your business.

You can learn about them. You get to hear what is going on with them in their lives, interact with them from anywhere and be prepared when they are ready to do business with you.

Your clients introduce you to their friends and share their experiences with them. Social Media provides hundreds of ways for your clients to do this; writing a review, becoming a “Fan,” suggesting their friends become “Fans,” clicking on a “Like” button, “Checking-In” at your business, and the list goes on…..

You can reward your clients with specials and deals just for them. Social Media allows you to communicate with your customers and friends in real time. So rather than putting your special in the newspaper that goes to everybody, you can say “thank you” to those who are excited about your business.

Social Media helps you build your database so that you can continue the relationship into the future. When someone becomes a “Facebook Fan” or a “Twitter Follower” you now have a communication link that you can continue to use to build the relationship.

Finally, it is important to note that like any relationship Social Media takes work. You reap what you sow… but just like the tractor and the automatic seeder multiplied the planting efforts of the farmer, Social Media multiplies the sowing efforts of your local business. So whether or not you do it yourself or you hire a Social Media Manager someone has to “drive the tractor.”

Christian Fellowship is All About Relationships

Christian fellowship within the context of the church means identification with the Body of Christ. Identification with the Body of Christ is all about relationships with other believers. To be a Christian does not only mean to be a believer in Christ. To be a believer in Christ also means to belong to the Body of Christ. As a believer you are a living cell in a living body. Christian Fellowship is identification with the Body of Christ, meaning with other believers.

The center of the church is fellowship with God and with his people.

1 John 1:3 states: “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the father and with his son Jesus Christ.”

John makes it very clear, that the fellowship he seeks with other believers centres around the Father and the Son. This is the only basis of true and meaningful relationships among Christians.

There is no Christian Fellowship without human relationships.

Fellowship has to do with relationships – Relationships with God and relationships with other Christians.

Ephesians 2:19-22: “Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household, build on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Jesus Christ himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being build together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.”

In verse 22 it says, that in Christ, the members of the Church, are being build together to become a dwelling place in which God lives.

It is absolutely not the will of God that you live your Christian live as a lonely ranger. You belong to a family – the family of God. When you were baptised, you where baptised into the family of God. You are part of it.

The church of Jesus Christ exists, so that Christians can live in fellowship with one another! Not just so that preachers have a platform for their sermons.

The importance of Christian Relationships within the church

Hebrews 10.24-25: “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us never give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another…”

Galatians 6.2: “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ”

Every Christian needs relationships with other Christians in order to grow. If our relationships with other believers have Jesus Christ as the centre, then that will help you to become spiritual mature. Relationships with other Christians are not an option; they are a biblical mandate and a necessity.

John even goes one step further. In 1 John 3.14 he says: “We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love (his brothers) remains in death.”

I always hear people say: I am a Christian. I believe in God. But I do not need to go to church. I live my life as a Christian all by myself.

Well, the apostle John does not agree with this attitude. If you do not live in loving relationships with other Christians he says, then it is questionable if you have passed from death to life.

1 John 4.20: “And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.”

John does not talk about a spiritual feeling of love towards others; he is talking about true, practical love with deeds of love and compassion. He talks about acceptance and forgiveness. He talks about serving the Lord Jesus together.

In true spiritual fellowship you don’t focus on your own shortcomings, but you focus on the potential of your brothers and sisters.

The essence of true fellowship is the sense of belonging. The true value of the individual is not his reputation and what he has accomplished, but his willingness to give himself to the others.

Talk About Your Family’s Health

If you haven’t talked with your family about their health history, then you should definitely make it a priority to do so. We rely so much on our annual physicals to tell us whether we are OK or not (and some of us don’t even do that) and we ignore one of the most important areas for the prevention of disease- our genetic makeup. Whether or not you want to face it, it is a fact that many diseases and conditions run in the family, and since early prevention is key for many health issues, you should have as much knowledge about your family’s health as possible. Learn what your risk factors are now so you can be prepared.

Depending on the relationships and communication you have with your family, it might be difficult or easy to talk with them about health. Either way, you want to open up the conversation because it will benefit everyone. At a minimum, you should talk to your parents, aunts, uncles, and your grandparents. First tell them why you want to talk with them, which should make it easier in case they are leary about talking over personal health issues. Then grab a pen and paper and be prepared to ask the following questions:

1. What diseases have you been diagnosed with? This can include heart disease, a heart attack, cancer, diabetes, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, multiple sclerosis, osteoporosis, rheumatoid arthritis, sickle-cell anemia, and any other disease that they may want to mention.

2. At what age were you diagnosed? Find out when the conditions were initially diagnosed. Were they diagnosed early?

3. Did any diseases cause death in the family? Find out if there have been any deaths in your family due to certain diseases and find out what ages the death occurred.

These three pieces of information are very valuable. Once you have talked to as many close relatives as you can, you should put all of the information together. You can share it with other people in your family because it truly is beneficial to all. At your next doctor’s appointment or physical, be sure to talk over the information with your doctor so he or she can have a record of your family health history. Your doctor can then tell you which tests you should regularly get for early detection as well as any lifestyle changes that you might want to make.

About Relationships You Already Know, But Do Anyway

Picture this for a moment… When you dated him, he was funny, entertaining, thoughtful, a great lover, and many other things. When you were dating her, she was kind, considerate, and laughed at your jokes even though you knew they weren’t that funny. One day, you knew deep within your heart that he/she was the one. You married that wonderful person and for a while things were just as you had imagined they would be. But now for some reason things have changed – they have changed – and you’re not happy. Is this scenario resonating with anyone? So, here are those 5-Things About Relationships You Already Know… But Do Anyway!

[1] DON’T talk about him to your girlfriends, family, or complete strangers. You were able to get him to take you out for dinner – it took you weeks – but he finally made the reservation. And to a very nice restaurant I might add. The waiter comes over to your table and asks you what you’d like to drink and you say (dripping with sarcasm) “Well, what would you suggest, it’s been 3-years since my husband took me out to dinner, actually it’s been 3-years since my husband has taken me away for that matter. We used to go for dinner often before we got married but not anymore. Right honey?” The waiter gives you a funny look and smiles. He only wants to know what type of drink you would like to have before you order dinner. He doesn’t care about your marital problems. Your husband has just done something nice for you. It doesn’t matter how long it took him, just enjoy and appreciate the moment. Men need encouragement just like we do. Don’t bash him and embarrass him. Build him up and empower him.

[2] DON’T put her down every chance you get in the hopes that she will change her behavior and start loving you more. Complaining, criticizing, constantly pointing out flaws, doesn’t work if you want her to change what you believe is negative behavior that is destroying your relationship. Have you ever considered that maybe she has changed because you changed? Perhaps her work environment is stressful, and all she wants to do is come home, relax, and be loved and pampered by you. She rarely socializes with her friends because it only causes an argument. So when she comes home with bags of shopping knowing full well that you are in debt up to your eyes, she might be doing it for several reasons – to get away from you, to help her relax and feel good, or perhaps she’s just so frustrated and fed-up with your behavior that she’s just going to stick-it to you and run up the credit cards even more. If he’s a man trying to get away from his nagging wife, then maybe he chooses to play hours and hours of combat video games, or hang out with the boys knowing full well that you will have something to say about it when he get’s home. But you know what? She/he doesn’t care anymore and that is why they do what they do.

[3] DON’T grill him about where he’s been the minute he walks through the door. Ok, so you’re thinking, “Well I have a right to know where he’s been, especially since he should have been home an hour ago!” And I agree with you. But listen, can you let him get through the door. Take his work clothes off, perhaps get a little something to eat before you pin him to the floor with a choke-hold? What you don’t realize is that it isn’t what you ask, but HOW you ask the question that is the key to keeping your potentially conflict situation to a minimum. The tone of your voice can let him know that you are concerned and not angry. How about “Hey baby, I was expecting you home an hour ago, is everything ok?” Give him an opportunity to respond. Now, if this is something that has been going on for a long time, then whatever it is that you’re thinking may be a valid thought. However, have you stopped to wonder if perhaps the reason he stays out late is because of you, and not because he’s having an affair or spending time with the guys. Yes, I said it. Perhaps you’re the problem. If you can be true to yourself, and it is, you can fix that.

[4] DON’T constantly remind your spouse that you should have married that other person your mom liked so much. You may think this is funny right now, but I guarantee that if you have ever said this to your spouse they don’t think it’s funny at all. You married them because they had qualities that appealed to you and that you loved. So why, on a daily basis, would you act like or say that you made a mistake marrying them? Do you think your spouse is encouraged by those words? Do you really believe that they are going to change under these circumstances? Would you?

[5] DON’T withhold sex to “teach your spouse a lesson”. If you are doing this… STOP IT RIGHT NOW! Understand me clearly; I am not saying that you should just give it up whenever your spouse demands it. What I’m saying ladies and gentlemen is that the silent treatment does not work. Your spouse is not a mind reader. How are they supposed to know what is going on in your head or how you’re feeling about a particular issue if you don’t communicate! Verbal communication. Yes, they can see from your body language that there is something definitely wrong, but if you don’t tell them, then how are they supposed to respond. However, be very careful HOW you talk to your spouse. Use a gentle voice. Talk about how you feel, not about what they did. How is your spouse supposed to make amends? How are the two of you supposed to work things out, if you don’t talk? And when you do, perhaps you still don’t feel like lovemaking, but allowing your spouse to hold you in their arms, to snuggle up to each other, assures them that you are both moving in the right directions.

Being in a relationship requires work. Some hard work, until you have both found your groove. Think about it… you have two individuals with two very different personalities, who have different beliefs, ideas, etc. These two people come together and bring all their likes, dislikes, habits (good or bad), beliefs, thoughts, and mindsets with them. Sounds daunting, does it? But the truth is, good relationships take time to mature and they evolve over time. Being in a relationship requires good communication skills, good listening skills, and good negotiation skills. You have to be willing to give (compromise) and take, forgive and let go, encourage and support, love and be loved. Sometimes you may find some of these things difficult to do. You know that you want your relationship to be different but you just don’t know the steps to take to make things better between you.

Here are a few suggestions that will help you get started in repairing and rebuilding your relationship:

  • Talk to your Minister/Pastor/Rabbi – only if he is trained in counseling or counseling psychology. Not everyone who carries the title can counsel individuals who are having relationship problems.
  • Seek Therapy or Counseling – you can go online and do a Google search for a therapist or counselor in your area. I encourage you to do your research. Check to make sure that they are licensed and that their license is current and up to date. Perhaps even go a little further and ask for references. Do your homework.
  • Find a Coach – the beauty about coaching is that it has become very popular with both men and women. It doesn’t carry the stigma that counseling or therapy sometimes carries for some individuals, especially men. Coaching provides a forum that allows each individual the freedom to get unstuck and come up with solutions together so they can move forward – together. Coaching provides a safe, nurturing and non-judgmental place to begin exploring new ideas.
  • Get a Mediator – assuming that you have tried everything you can think of, and the relationship cannot be repaired, then you should know that more and more people are turning to mediating as a cost-effective alternative to hiring an attorney. A mediator is a neutral third-party who does not chose sides, but is there to help you navigate through the process and come to a mutually agreeable solution. Again, I encourage you to do your research.

to Ask Your Child About Your Family

Sometimes in the daily business of parenting and family life, our conversations become focused on all those tasks to be done, the rules, the humdrum of life, the ordinary and the mundane; those emotionless directives or comments that do nothing to create intimacy or a real connection between family members. And it’s easy to presume that just because you all live together in the same household, that this necessarily translates into intimacy and an awareness of each other’s dreams, experiences and inner beliefs. And living together also doesn’t mean that just because your experience of the family is a certain way, that other family members will necessarily share your views and perceptions.

So take the time to create that connection, to make a conscious effort to deepen and enrich your relationship with your children using real conversations that place them at the centre of your interest – whether they’re aged six, sixteen or twenty-six; don’t leave it up to chance, because the chances are that it might not happen – or not as frequently as both of you would like, or benefit from.

And above all, don’t forget that asking the questions is only a small part of the exercise – hearing the answers by truly listening – is what makes a true conversation and connection. Make a promise to your child at the beginning that you will truly hear what they have to say, and tell them,”Even if I don’t agree with your answer, I’m going to listen and really try to understand what you’re saying”. And don’t be afraid to use reflective listening – where you reflect back what you think your child is saying and feeling. Start with a comment like:”I think you’re saying that you wish we spent more time together when we were just trying to have fun and to enjoy each other’s company, and that sometimes you feel a bit lonely in the family?”

Here’s 10 questions that will help you to begin a conversation with your child that will perhaps take you to a place that you may not have ever reached, unless you’d purposefully spent the time to enquire.

1. What is the thing you like most about our family?
2. What is something that you would like to change about our family?
3. If our family had a motto, what would you like it to be?
4. Who do you think you get on best with in our family?
5. Who would you like to get on better with in our family?
6. What’s been the happiest time you’ve spent with the family?
7. What do you think other people say about our family?
8. What do you think our family could do more of, or less of?
9. What would you like other people to remember about our family?
10. What’s been the biggest achievement of our family?

So get asking – and listening – and you will find that new avenues open up between you and your child – and a path to greater intimacy.

Relationships

It can be incredibly hard when visiting your family, as you might not have a great relationship with them. Your significant other might not get along with them either, and this is a problem that is known worldwide. How do you handle the thanksgiving dinners? Do you even have to deal with it? It really depends on how family oriented you happen to be, and whether you value your happiness or the happiness of others.

Most parents even though they said that everything that they do is for you simple lie. If you observe closely most of the things that they do, their actions, are geared toward making their own lives more enjoyable. This might be normal in a way but it is something that all children should understand, as it will make those trips more enjoyable. If your parents really do sacrifice themselves, and your visits are already excellent then that is awesome, but this is an exception to the rule and not the norm.

There are also siblings that you might have a problem sitting next too. Families are there, but it does not mean that the individuals within them have to be friends. Blood lines meant a lot in the olden days, and still do a bit if you are in a very wealthy or known family, but it means virtually nothing in the middle and lower classes. No one cares who you are based on your last name, and it is more important to try and just accomplish something on your own.

I feel that it is a choice whether you see your family, and should not sacrifice you happiness to see that if it is something that makes you feel sick to your stomach. There are things in our past that we remember which can make the process of going back home not so good. If you are forced by your family to attend, it might just be the sign that it is something you should not be doing in the first place. Unless it feels right to you, those actions will be remembered badly and cause you unneeded anxiety. Life presents us with enough problems on daily basis, and adding to them is just not smart.

If your significant other hates your family, or you do theirs do not feel bad about it. That really does not matter, and any talk about how families are much closer in other older countries is a simple joke. Each country has their own problems, and many of the traditional families are in actuality much tougher to deal with as the older members have gigantic egos and are tremendously stubbornly stuck in their ways. Unless you want to live your life according to someone else, it is up to you to take responsibility and figure out what is the right way for you.